The Middle Headache: I think, therefore I am... not?

Well… I just started seeing someone. Henceforth, he shall be known as “The New Guy” (unless things go sour – then, of course, he’ll receive a more descriptive moniker which I hope not to use anytime soon). J So, yeah, The New Guy and I just started seeing each other, and of course he was unaware of “The Middle Headache” until I let it slip. And then he ‘let it slip’… to his sister, his father, and I’m not sure how many other impressionable people whom I have yet to meet but who now have entirely too much insight on me. Keeping that in mind, I obviously will be keeping The New Guy out of my postings as much as possible. (And I will be praying that I make a fabulous first impression when/if I meet the sister/father/insert-other-relative-here in order to make up for this blog… )

That being said, to the past we go!

Jim.

I’m still not entirely ready to share the whole Jim story/fiasco, but some new information recently came to light that makes for an interesting piece of trivia I’d like to share with you here. The background information you do need to know before I continue is… Jim and I dated during his senior year (my freshman year) of college and the following summer. Jim was my first real love. And Jim broke my heart in a way that if our relationship had been a movie, the audience would be sure it was pure Hollywood – and that people don’t really do that in real life.

So the interesting piece of trivia… Jim wrote a book about his senior year of college. Yep. That year. The year we were together. I had heard about said book a year or so ago but figured it was more or less about his trials and tribulations of his prison-like college experience, and that perhaps, he might leave out the girlfriend part of that year altogether since there was more than enough fodder for a book with the school experience itself.

And then I did a quick search of the book online. And there was a review that read something to the effect of Jim’s recollection of his college experience being so universal… including the relationship aspect. Uggh. Now I have to read the book. He talks about relationships… which was obviously about our relationship – as I knew for a fact he didn’t date much prior to me and we were pretty serious for that while year in question.

So, by now, you might be thinking to yourself, “K. Why would you want to read that? It might be pretty hard to read.” And I answer that by asking you, dear reader, how could I not?

Being a self-published book, I didn’t want to order it myself, so I had my best friend from college order it. I started to forget the whole thing until the other day, when my phone rang:

Me: Hello?

BFFC: Hey there. I’m reading a pretty interesting book.

Me: (Oh God.) Oh yeah?

BFFC: Yeah, I wasn’t sure whether or not he would talk about relationships, but I skimmed through and there was at least one chapter purely dedicated to relationships… and…

Me: (Oh God.) Oh man…

BFFC: Yeah… you don’t exist.

Me: Huh?

BFFC: You don’t exist. It’s not like he just referred to you as a generic girlfriend or anything. And he does talk about some girl he went on one date with and how she was the one who got away. But, he specifically says he was single… during his entire time at college.

Me: Huh?

BFFC: Yeah. You don’t exist.

I don’t know if it would’ve been worse to read insight into our relationship or not, but I can’t help but feel entirely weirded out by the fact that, according to BFFC, EVERYTHING else is pretty accurate and he uses real names and everything. But he completely erased my existence from his world. (Sounds a little Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-y to me.)

I have yet to read the book. And BFFC has yet to read it in it’s entirety. But I’m pretty sure when I do, I will find the same thing – that I was removed from stories. That I am erasable – not forgettable or unimportant – because if I was, mentioning me would not have been a big deal, right?

Regardless, this was years ago… but I just find it odd the way some people actually do exist.

So far, in this blog alone, I’ve been stalked, condemned to Hell, ditched at a restaurant, etc, etc, etc… and now, my new favorite guy-move…

…erased from existence.

Not to wax philosophical or anything, but Descartes would tend to disagree.